Dear Younger Fred…you had expectations for everyone and they didn't even have a clue...
You'll think you're being reasonable.
Thoughtful.
"Fair."
But quietly… your expectations will start shaping how you judge the people around you.
You'll expect your partner to communicate like you.
Your friends to show up like you.
Your colleagues to think like you.
And when they don't?
You'll take it personally… because in your mind,
if you can do it, they should too.
Here's the truth you won't learn until later:
Expectations are silent agreements the other person never signed.
And most of yours won't come from you —
they'll come from how you were raised.
Growing up, you'll watch aunties and uncles fight over the dim sum bill…
not from ego, but from sincerity.
Paying was how they said, "You matter to me."
So that became your love language.
Then you'll hit university, make your own money…
and you'll start treating friends because that's what love meant in your world.
And quietly, you'll expect it back.
Not out of greed — but because reciprocity = care.
But when it doesn't happen…
when they don't offer… or insist… or even notice…
you'll tell yourself painful stories:
"They don't care."
"I guess I'm not important."
"They don't value me."
But here's the lesson that will change everything:
They weren't ungrateful.
They weren't selfish.
They weren't bad friends.
They were just raised differently.
Different norms.
Different love languages.
Different expectations.
And that realization will humble you.
Because the gap between who people are
and who you expected them to be
is where most disappointment lives.
Over time, you'll learn:
Unspoken expectations create distance.
Assumptions create conflict.
Disappointment often comes from your narrative — not their intention.
Then everything shifts.
Instead of "they should know," you'll start asking:
"What did you mean by that?"
"What does support look like for you?"
"How can I meet you where you are?"
That's when your relationships deepen.
That's when connection becomes real.
And here's the line you need to hear, Fred:
Lowering expectations doesn't lower your standards.
It raises your compassion.
And that compassion will change you —
as a husband, a father, a friend, and a financial planner.
Life gets lighter when you stop expecting people to be versions of you…
and start letting them be themselves.
Baaaam. That's it for today!
See you next Thursday.
Stay curious,
Fred
