Dear Younger Fred… READ THIS before your next conversation…
There will be times when you think you're helping others by explaining your point of view — by showing them the "better" way to see or do things.
You'll mean well. But in trying to be logical or helpful, you'll sometimes forget the most important part of being human… making others feel acknowledged.
You'll interrupt people without realizing it.
You'll jump in to fix problems when all they really wanted was for you to hear them out.
You'll alienate — and even lose — friends over this, Fred… and for that, I am truly sorry.
And then one day, you'll think of Grandma.
How she always carried around a thick wad of cash wrapped in an elastic band & how she always kept a tin of money in her room…
You used to shake your head and think, why would she do that with her money?
There are so many better places to put it!
So you'd try to convince her to "see the light."
To be honest, you never even stopped to ask why she did it — you just tried to change her.
But one day, you'll finally put yourself in her shoes…
"What would I do if I lived through World War I and II? If I saw banks collapse, currencies vanish, and countries fall apart?"
You'll realize that if you lived her life, you'd probably do the exact same thing.
Because people aren't inherently crazy — we are products of our environments.
And if that's true, what are the odds two humans can agree 100% on everything?
About one in an infinity.
The more you learn about someone's story, the easier it becomes to replace judgment with compassion.
In fact, you'll realize that in 99% of all your conversations…
you don't need to fix a darn thing.
If you want to help — just ask.
They'll tell you when they're ready for your opinion.
It makes everything so much easier.
And then one day, when you become a father, this lesson will come full circle.
Your little boy will spill his juice… or break something special you've been collecting for 20 years… and his tiny eyes will look up at yours — not for punishment, but for understanding.
In that moment, you'll remember everything you've learned:
Pause.
Breathe.
Acknowledge.
Because children — just like the rest of us — don't need to be fixed.
They just want empathy.
They just need to know they're loved… even when they're wrong.
So, Younger Fred, remember this:
When someone opens up to you, don't rush in to fix it.
Don't rush to teach.
Pause… listen… and acknowledge.
Because sometimes, the greatest gift you can give — to your partner, your parent, or your child — isn't agreement.
It's acknowledgement and understanding.
Baaaaam — that's it for today.
Stay curious,
Fred
