Dear Younger Fred…you neglected your partner — and now…
Look, I know you mean well, Fred.
You'll work hard — relentlessly pushing.
You'll define love by how much you can provide, believing that success, comfort, and stability will be enough.
And for a while, it will be.
She'll love you.
She'll give you grace.
She'll believe in your potential — even when you're rarely home.
But over time… that grace will turn into distance.
Not out of anger — but out of exhaustion.
Because while you were building a future for her… all she wanted was you.
You'll learn this lesson the hard way.
When confronted, you won't see it right away.
You'll defend yourself with quick replies like, "I'm working hard for us," or "I'll change soon."
You'll even hide behind cultural excuses — "That's just how men are," or "That's just the Chinese way."
But you'll be deeply wrong.
My current theory is this:
Love isn't measured by what you give/provide…
It's measured by how you show up.
In fact, actions will always speak louder than your words.
And showing up isn't about money, trips, or grand gestures —
It's about presence, depth, and sincerity.
You'll learn that real connection comes from listening...not just to her words, but to her body language and the silence in between.
It's about resisting the urge to fix things,
and instead sitting with her in the storm —
showing her she's not alone.
Over time, you'll come to see that emotional safety is the foundation of lasting love.
When a person feels safe, they open up.
When they feel judged, they shut down.
That's it.
She doesn't need perfection.
She needs presence.
She needs love that steadies her — not overwhelms her.
And yes… the small things matter more than you ever realized.
A firm hug.
A hand held gently.
A kiss on the forehead.
They may seem small… but they whisper, "You matter."
True intimacy isn't just physical — it's emotional.
It's built on curiosity and understanding.
On truly knowing the person in front of you — their fears, their dreams, their scars, their hopes.
And remember, we all change every year.
So don't assume you know her — stay curious and don't take her for granted.
Ask questions.
Rediscover her, day after day.
It'll be worth it — I promise.
And maybe I'm wrong about all of this.
After all, I've learned that the moment I start thinking I'm right
is usually the moment I'm missing something.
But this is what I know so far —
and it's made me a better partner, a better listener, and a better man.
You'll embrace new paradigms in the future:
If one man can be emotionally aware,
then it's not a "male issue."
If one Asian can communicate with depth and compassion,
then it's not a "cultural issue."
If someone else can do it — so can you.
That's the bottom line.
Baaaaam — that's it for today.
See you next Thursday!
Stay curious,
Fred
